What're You Trying to Tell Me?
by InsideofChaos
Summary: It's a normal day for Prowl - until Jazz bursts in and suddenly it's...not...normal anymore. Because bad things tend to happen when Wheeljack builds something - anything. Plus, no one has really bothered to ask why there's a hamster in the Ark.
1. In which there is a microwave

So yeah. This entire plot bunny was one of my own making. Theatre Arts homework can be difficult to deal with, but you get the stupidest ideas there. This came from an improv activity where you and a partner draw a card with a line of dialogue and have 30 seconds to discuss your scene. The following is pretty much what happened, only a lot more fleshed out.

Disclaimer: It's called FANfiction. Need I say anymore?

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Prowl was sitting in his office, as usual, when, also, as usual, his friend Jazz burst through the door. What wasn't 'as usual' was the way Jazz simply seemed to come to a halt. Prowl waited for a few moments for him to say something, and when the Porsche didn't, Prowl turned back to his work.

"Hey, Prowl?"

Prowl looked up again. "Yes, Jazz?"

Jazz seemed to almost be…nervous. That was odd. "Erm, ya know those microwave things that humans use?"

"...What about them?"

"Uh…Perceptor was curious about the radiation tha' they use and Wheeljack made one fer him."

Prowl tilted his head at Jazz, failing to see why that would be worthy of concern. "Unless it's about to blow up-" Jazz cut him off with "Oh no, s'already been tested and Percy's studying it righ' now-" He paused.

Prowl waited.

Jazz started speaking again, wincing slightly. "So, ya remember tha' hamster-thing Spike brought in a couple weeks ago and nearly sent Red Alert on the fritz with?" Prowl nodded, slowly. Then it hit him.

A feeling of dread slowly crept over the SIC and his doorwings drooped slightly as he connected Jazz's previously unrelated comments. He struggled to control his facial expression, but emotion won out, helped largely by disbelief. Prowl looked in horror at the bot standing in front of him, who was now staring at the floor.

"What are you trying to tell me, Jazz?"

"Eh...uh…well, see, Percy got all curious about it and he really didn't s'pect what happened to actually happen, and instead of curiosity killing the cat, Ah guess…well, Spike's gonna need a new hamster?" At this Jazz looked up at Prowl, obviously hoping for an easy way out.

Prowl sat for a moment, trying not to lock up. Then he speared his friend with a serious look. "What part did you play in this, Jazz?" Jazz rubbed the back of his neck as he tried to come up with an answer.

"Ah was talking to Wheeljack, making' sure he'd tested the thing before Perceptor came to get it…"

Prowl nodded. At least Jazz had been acting his rank (for once).

"And what," he said, just slightly annoyed, "actually _happened_ to the hamster?"

At this, Jazz simply collapsed into the chair in front of Prowl's desk, placed his arms on the desk, and laid his head in his arms.

"Prowler," he said after a while, muffled by his arms, "he stuck it in the microwave."

Prowl's optic ridges shot straight up. "Perceptor?" Jazz raised his head, and Prowl could tell even with Jazz's visor, he was being given a 'no duh' look. "NAW," Jazz said, "WHEELJACK. A'course Perceptor!"

Prowl stood slowly and placed his hands business-like on his hips. "Well, where are they now?" He asked before walking to the door.

Jazz remained seated. "Where's who? Perceptor?" he muttered. Prowl rolled his optics at his unhappy comrade. "NO," he mocked Jazz, "THE HAMSTER."

Jazz rolled onto his side slightly so that he was half lying on the desk and sitting on the chair, arms sprawled in front of him and looked at Prowl. "Oh, _that._ Splattered all over the inside of the microwave, a'course. Wheeljack's ticked at Percy."

Prowl smacked his forehead with the heel of his hand and walked out into the hallway. Jazz yelped and jumped out of the chair, quick to follow the Datsun down the hallway. "Where are we going?" he asked once he'd caught up to Prowl. Prowl countered with a smirk, a flip of his doorwings, and the words "To go see some hamster guts."

**A/N: Dangit it's hard to write Jazz's accent. Also, does somebody want to write a story explaining exactly why Spike brought a hamster to the Ark and then LEFT IT THERE? Because I have no clue. Like, I'm not even sure why he had a hamster.**

**Because I'm lazy, I'm putting this up in two parts. Also, I felt it needed to be broken up.**

**Ok, I lied. I'm putting this on hold for a bit because another bunny bit me during driver's ed.**

**Review! You'll make me happy!**


	2. In which there are punishments

Yeah. No hamsters were harmed in the making of this fic.

**Disclaimer:** I don't own anything except for the plot bunny, which I may keep, as I've been considering acquiring a pet rabbit.

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Prowl and Jazz arrived at Wheeljack's lab to hear the sounds of an argument spilling from inside. When they entered, it was clear nothing had really changed in the time Jazz had taken to fetch Prowl.

A rather distraught Wheeljack obviously had Perceptor on the defensive. The engineer's head fins were flashing brightly and in painfully contrasting colors with every motion of his arms, which he was waving up and down to emphasize his distress. This only served to make him look rather hilariously like he was attempting to fly. Even Prowl had difficulty holding in a giggle. Jazz, at first, outright guffawed, but reined it in when Prowl glared at him.

"Wheeljack." Prowl said. Unfortunately, Wheeljack was yelling so loudly at Perceptor about "ethical boundaries", "animal rights", and "proper use of equipment" that the SIC went unheard. "WHEELJACK!" Prowl practically had to yell into the mech's audio to get his attention. To his credit, Wheeljack immediately shut up.

"Explain." Prowl said curtly. There was immediate chatter. Perceptor and Wheeljack instantly began to relate their stories. Prowl realized his mistake, and rolled his optics as he held up a hand for silence. "Let me rephrase that. _Wheeljack,_ explain."

Wheeljack sighed and launched into the story of why the microwave, a) was smoking, and b) had purple-ish red goo splattered around the inside, as well as a tiny scorch mark at the bottom, just in the middle of the plate.

When it was finished, Prowl turned to Perceptor. "Do you have anything at all to add? Explain yourself."

Perceptor frowned at him and shrugged his shoulders. "It was an experiment. It was for science."

Prowl excused himself for a moment and went to stand by the door to the lab. Then Prowl turned to Perceptor with a stern expression on his face. "Perceptor," he began, "as punishment for your actions, you will, first, clean out that _thing._" He pointed to the now-sorry-excuse-for-a-microwave. "Then, you will endeavor to get a replacement for Spike's hamster, as he needed to return it. Wheeljack will help you with that. Third, Skyfire will supervise you in your research for 6 months minimum. And last, you will have to explain this entire mess to both Hound and Bluestreak. They will be understandably upset, as they have grown attached to poor Huey." Perceptor sighed and moved away, likely to go get cleaning supplies.

Wheeljack stood next to Jazz, his posture and head fins both sending the extremely clear message that the engineer was, well, pouting. Prowl sighed and rubbed his face with one hand before addressing him. "Wheeljack…" The Lancia started to protest, but Prowl cut him off. "I know it's not all your fault, you had no clue what he was going to do with it. But I'm going to have to ask you to help Perceptor get a new hamster, and then to take apart that microwave." Wheeljack nodded, fins flashing resignedly. He left the room, possibly to sulk until Perceptor needed him to go into the city.

Prowl made a motion for Jazz to come closer, to which he complied. "So," the wingless black and white started, "that was…interesting." He fought back a laugh. Prowl just gave him a blank look. Jazz looked back, attempting to keep an innocent look on his face. "What?" he asked.

His companion leaned back against one of the lab countertops and spread his wings across it. "Oh, it's probably nothing," he mused, "but I can't shake this feeling that it wasn't totally Perceptor's idea…" Jazz stiffened, then relaxed and laughed. "Really, Prowler? Ya think that maybe somebody told him to? Who, the twins?"

Prowl inclined his head and looked his friend straight on, optic-to-visor. He snorted. "No, not the twins. You." Jazz's mouth became an 'o' and he stared at the SIC in shock. "WhAt?!" he squeaked slightly and waved his arms incredulously. "Ya think _AH_ told Percy ta stick that poor thing in the microwave?!"

Prowl shook his head at his shorter friend. "No," he interjected, "I think that you gave him the idea. I looked through the Ark's Internet history from the last time you were on monitor duty and found a site," he paused "interestingly named 'Funny Things To Do With Your Microwave Oven'." Prowl raised an optic ridge at his frozen friend. "Sound familiar?"

He watched as the expression on Jazz's face melted from shocked outrage to confusion, realization, and finally, horror. Jazz crumpled onto a lab stool, wearing an unhappy expression. "It was meh." He said finally. "I sent Percy tha' link as a laugh when I heard he was gettin' 'Jack ta build him one…" He looked at Prowl. "Am ah a horrible person?"

"Positively evil." Prowl replied drily.

"I'm bad."

"Bad, bad, bad, bot."

"Ah'm terrible."

"Excruciatingly so."

"…Ah killed a hamster."

"Indirectly. But do you know where you're going?"

Jazz looked at Prowl blankly. "Straight ta the Pit?"

Prowl rolled his optics. "No, back on monitor duty, you goob." He made shooing motions at his morose buddy. "Be off with ye, thou art vexing me." Jazz cheered up, but made a face at him as he left.

Prowl stayed behind, staring at the microwave. A sudden thought occurred to him and he smiled. Well, it couldn't hurt, could it? The microwave was going to be dismantled anyway…and it would cheer Wheeljack up. Prowl nodded, his decision made. A few seconds later, two messages were sent out – one to Ratchet and Prime, warning them of possible impending fireworks, and one was on its way to Wheeljack, containing only a suggestion, a link, and a warning.

**~Fine~**

**A/N: w00t. it's doooooone. Now I can go feed the other…plot...bunny…which seems to have scampered off. :/ oh well. Review! It'll make me happy. Even if you hate this fic, tell me! It helps me improve.**

**Also: The entire conversation between Prowl and Jazz at the end was inspired by Berkeley Breathed's comic strip "Bloom County". And if anybody catches my reference to Bill Watson's "Calvin and Hobbes" and tells me, you get points. And cyber cookies. The good kind. (Hint: Prowl says it!)**


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